All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

31Mar/080

WTF?

No one has e-mailed me any lame (or not so lame) jokes in almost a week! What a joke!

Filed under: lame No Comments
25Mar/080

Conundrum

Edel was OOO for a few days, good to see she's back at work and being productive! 🙂

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a 'drop off', the ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are travelling on, and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

25Mar/080

Car for sale!

And a funny one from Peter! Not sure if this is really, for real, or even in Ireland, the lighthouse doesn't look like the style of lighthouse in Ireland. And the photograph looks kinda doctored, as the rocks and cliffs look very clear, but the rest of the island looks blurry.

Read text first!
The following is an actual advertisement in an Irish Newspaper..!

1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf

Only 15 km

Only first gear and reverse used

Never driven hard

Original tires

Original brakes

Original fuel and oil

Only 1 driver Owner

Wishing to sell due to employment lay-off

Please see Attached photo….. (scroll down to the next page)

Wait for it…..

This is good…….

24Mar/080

Ted Fest!

As we've had so many Father Ted video's I thought I should mention Ted Fest!

We have photographs from the Ray Foley Show. A review from the Englush Independent newspaper. And a slideshow from the Guardian newspaper, along with news coverage.

Scores of apparently inebriated priests, the odd pope and cigarette-puffing nuns converged on Inis Mor off the west coast of Ireland at the weekend. They mingled with a multitude of aspiring Mrs Doyles.

The clerical collars and dubious habits were for the first ever Father Ted festival, convened to perpetuate the Channel 4 sitcom. The main attraction was staged yesterday afternoon on the foreshore inside Kilronan Harbour, where two five-a-side football teams - one from Inis Mor, the other from nearby Inis Oirr - competed to win their island the title of Craggy Island, Father Ted's fictional parish. Crowds in dog collars and wimples cheered the game, which was won 2-0 by Inis Mor. The Irish betting firm Paddy Power had taken bets on the outcome as well as on the festival's Lovely Girls contest.

24Mar/080

IRISH DOCTOR

And from Danny, one about an Irish doctor and his assistant. Obviously, not a joke from Ireland, as few people there go hunting, and they'd be called knickers or underwear not Panties!

A doctor in Ireland wants to get off work and go hunting, so he approaches his assistant.
Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic," he says. "I want you to take care of the clinic and all me patients."
The doctor goes hunting, returns the following day and asks,
"So, Seamus, how was your day?"
Seamus tells him that he took care of three patients.
"The first one had a headache, so I gave him Tylenol."
"Bravo, Seamus, and the second one?" asks the doctor?
"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, sir," says Seamus.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this.

And what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman bursts into the room. Quick as a wink she undresses herself, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and lies down on the table.

She spreads her legs and shouts, "Help me, I beg you! It's been five years since I've seen a man!"
"Thunderin' Lord Jesus, Seamus, what did you do?" asked the doctor.

"I put some drops in her eyes."

22Mar/080

Happy Saint Paddy’s Day, continued!

One last one for Saint Patrick's Day, I couldn't resist, the Muppets sing Danny Boy!

Danny Boy, isn't a very well know song in Ireland, I believe it was written by someone from NYC and is very popular amongst Irish Americans.

21Mar/080

Ultimate Peep Show!

Just in time for Easter! The ultimate peep show, received in seperate e-mails from both Diane & Bruce:

Easter strip show, with peeps (US sweets).

20Mar/080

Meetings!

And I forget who sent me this:
Meetings are Time Wasters.

20Mar/080

The Flag

And from Paul X. a funny video (from Greece?):

Η φάρσα με τον αρχικουμμουνιστή! on gamato.gr - funny videos, cool games, funny pictures, jokes

19Mar/080

Chilli competition

Another one from Ernie, this one's been doing the rounds for ages, but still funny:

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Apparently, this is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas. Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL. Frank made this statement to the press before the cook-off started: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge #1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge #2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge #3 (Frank) - Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.