All those Jokes that people send me » dead

When I Die Sell All My Stuff

thejoker — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 22:32:15 +0000

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other a**hole using my stuff.."
She looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another a**hole?"

Her Fourth Husband!

thejoker — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 04:37:06 +0000

From Ernie:

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Cooter and Gomer.

admin — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 16:13:12 +0000

From Ernie:

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolls him over and Cooter says, 'Nope, ain't Stanley .'

The mortician thinks this is rather strange, so he brings Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looks at the body and says, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.'

The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, 'No, it ain't Stanley '

The mortician asks, 'How can you tell?'

Gomer says, 'Well, Stanley had two assholes.'

'What? He had two assholes?' asks the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

'There's Stanley with them two assholes!'

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2009/12/06/cooter-and-gomer/