All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

26Jan/090

Marriage …

And one last marriage joke from Edel:


A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
have to talk to you about it.'
The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'
The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?'
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, 'Well, I spoke to your wife..... I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.
You want my advice?'
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
'Take the poison.'


http://www.timony.com/jokes/2009/01/26/marriage/

15Sep/080

Tea with the Pastor

Ernie's really on a roll:

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute-glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl..
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'
23Aug/080

Pastor

From Ilya:

A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender and asked,

"May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied,

"I really don't think you should."

The pastor asked,

"Why not? I really need to use a restroom!"

"Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"

The pastor replied,

"Nonsense, I'll look the other way!"

So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs and he proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, he came back out and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again! He went to the bartender and said,

"Sir, I don't understand. When I came in here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. Then the room became absolutely quiet. I went to the restroom, and now the place is hopping again."

"Well, now you're one of us!"

said the bartender.

"Would you like a drink too?"

"But, I still don't understand,"

said the puzzled pastor.

"You see,"

laughed the bartender,

"every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about a drink?"