All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

5Feb/090

The Most Beautiful Girl

From Ernie:

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, William's dad took him aside.

"Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years.. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again.

A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said, 'Yes!' We're getting married in June!"

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news.

24Jan/090

Bride and the Credit Card

From Edel:

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle.  They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.

The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.  Even the priest smiled broadly.  As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

10Nov/081

2 theories of creation!

Finally a joke from Edel:

A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'

1Oct/080

Pancakes

From Ernie, is anyone else I know going to e-mail me any jokes this week?

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

24Mar/080

Ted Fest!

As we've had so many Father Ted video's I thought I should mention Ted Fest!

We have photographs from the Ray Foley Show. A review from the Englush Independent newspaper. And a slideshow from the Guardian newspaper, along with news coverage.

Scores of apparently inebriated priests, the odd pope and cigarette-puffing nuns converged on Inis Mor off the west coast of Ireland at the weekend. They mingled with a multitude of aspiring Mrs Doyles.

The clerical collars and dubious habits were for the first ever Father Ted festival, convened to perpetuate the Channel 4 sitcom. The main attraction was staged yesterday afternoon on the foreshore inside Kilronan Harbour, where two five-a-side football teams - one from Inis Mor, the other from nearby Inis Oirr - competed to win their island the title of Craggy Island, Father Ted's fictional parish. Crowds in dog collars and wimples cheered the game, which was won 2-0 by Inis Mor. The Irish betting firm Paddy Power had taken bets on the outcome as well as on the festival's Lovely Girls contest.