All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

13Feb/120

Love must be in the air!

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.

A MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with big t*ts who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t.

6Dec/080

First Time …

A funny teenage love story from Ernie:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to
meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such
a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first
time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an
hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about
condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time
and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so
excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly
offers to say grace and bows his head.
19Aug/080

How to treat a woman or a man.

From Ernie:

How to treat a woman:
Wine her.  Dine her.  Call her. Hold her.  Surprise her. Compliment her.  Smile at her.  Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her.  Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her.  Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand.  Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

How to Treat a Man::

Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV.