All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

13Feb/110

Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London

From Ernie:

Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London.

One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.. Just before take-off, a rabbi sat down in the aisle seat.

After take-off the rabbi kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.' 'Don't get up,' said the rabbi, 'I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you.'
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the rabbi`s shoe and spat in it. When the Rabbi returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one, too.'

Again, the rabbi obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the rabbi`s other shoe and spat in it.

When the rabbi returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the rabbi slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbours:

'Why does it have to be this way?

'How long must this go on?

'This fighting between our nations?

'This hatred?

'This animosity?

'This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?'

10Jan/090

Two ways to shower

From Ernie!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red

16Nov/080

I kid you not… New Wine for Seniors

And a first joke from Tom!

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as ...