All those Jokes that people send me » wine

Wine …

admin — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:45:03 +0000

Wine does not make you FAT

it makes you LEAN.............. ....against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

thejoker — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 01:35:44 +0000

Ernie keeps rolling them out:

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman .

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

'Good trade.....

I kid you not… New Wine for Seniors

thejoker — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 05:35:26 +0000

And a first joke from Tom!

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as ...

PINO MORE

I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

How to treat a woman or a man.

thejoker — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 05:11:33 +0000

From Ernie:

How to treat a woman:

Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

How to Treat a Man::

Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV.

Retirement Planning

admin — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 04:39:26 +0000

From Dora:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Let people you care about know... and tell them to Start Now!!!

Water or Wine?

thejoker — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 03:48:55 +0000

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E-coli) bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember:

Water = Poop

Wine = Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of s--t.

There's no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it
as a public service.