Three Doctors discussing their countries medical achievements.

Israeli doctor says "We took a kidney out of one man and put it in another and he was out looking for work in 6 months."

English doctor says "We took a lung out of one man and put it in another and he was out looking for work in 5 months!"

Irish doctor says "We took an arsehole out of Offaly and put it in the Dáil (Parilment) and the whole country was out looking for work in 3 months..."

Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'I'm gonna have the day off, Im gonna pretend I'm mad!'

He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts
'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!'
Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.

'I cant work in the friggin dark!' says Murphy.

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/12/16/paddy-on-the-building-site/

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It 'In.'

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Smuggling Diamonds'

7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy.'

8. Don t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'

12. Sing Along At The Opera

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won!, I Won!'

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.

It's Called Therapy.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/03/05/calling-in-sick

"Yes, I served 8 years in the army."

"Good, that counts in your favour. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"

"I am 100% disabled. A mortar blew off my testicles so they declared me disabled. It doesn't affect my ability to work, though."

"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you. I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10 tomorrow, and we'll get you started."

"If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"

"Well, this is a government organization. We don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point your coming in for that."

There is a dangerous virus going around. It is called WORK.

If you receive WORK from your colleagues, you're boss, or anyone else, via e-mail or any other means, DO NOT TOUCH IT!

This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK , put on your jacket, take two good friends and go straight to the nearest pub. Buy the antidote known as BEER .

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are already infected and that WORK already controls your life. REMEMBER, THIS VIRUS IS DEADLY!!

All I can say, is thank God it's Friday!