{"id":453,"date":"2009-01-29T22:19:43","date_gmt":"2009-01-30T03:19:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/?p=453"},"modified":"2009-01-29T22:20:40","modified_gmt":"2009-01-30T03:20:40","slug":"lovemaking-tips-for-oldsters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/2009\/01\/29\/lovemaking-tips-for-oldsters\/","title":{"rendered":"Lovemaking Tips for Oldsters"},"content":{"rendered":"

From Ernie:<\/p>\n

Lovemaking Tips for Oldsters<\/span><\/strong><\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n1. Wear your glasses.\u00c2\u00a0 Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

2. Set timer for 3 minutes — in case you doze off in the middle.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

3. Set the mood with lighting.\u00c2\u00a0 (Turn them ALL OFF and close the shades)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

4. Make sure you put 9-1-1 on your speed dial before you begin.<\/strong><\/p>\n

5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
\n<\/strong><\/span>
\n8. Make all the noise you want.\u00c2\u00a0 The neighbors are deaf, too.
\n<\/span>
\n9. If it works, call <\/span><\/strong>everyone<\/span><\/em> you know with the good news.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

(P.S. Sent this\u00c2\u00a0in large type so you can read it.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From Ernie: Lovemaking Tips for Oldsters 1. Wear your glasses.\u00c2\u00a0 Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes — in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting.\u00c2\u00a0 (Turn them ALL OFF and close the shades) 4. Make sure you put 9-1-1 on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,90],"tags":[657,245,132,1426,1427,1923,1424,1425,1429,1428,1430],"class_list":["post-453","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-old","category-sex","tag-deaf","tag-elderly","tag-ernie","tag-false-teeth","tag-mood-lighting","tag-old","tag-oldsters","tag-partner","tag-polygrip","tag-shafes","tag-tylenol"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/453","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=453"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/453\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":456,"href":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/453\/revisions\/456"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=453"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=453"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=453"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}