{"id":133,"date":"2008-07-22T19:47:04","date_gmt":"2008-07-23T00:47:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/?p=133"},"modified":"2008-07-22T19:47:04","modified_gmt":"2008-07-23T00:47:04","slug":"how-to-install-a-home-security-system-when-on-a-budget","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/2008\/07\/22\/how-to-install-a-home-security-system-when-on-a-budget\/","title":{"rendered":"HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM WHEN ON A BUDGET"},"content":{"rendered":"

And a great one all the from Gina in Florida:
\n<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

4. Leave a note on your door that reads: <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

“Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls… they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. \u00c2\u00a0I don’t think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

PS – I locked all four of ’em in the house. Better wait outside.’ <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

INSTALLATION COMPLETE!<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

And a great one all the from Gina in Florida: 1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines. 3. Put a few […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,190,46],"tags":[649,650,648,330,651,45,652,654,655,653],"class_list":["post-133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-american","category-dog","category-funny","tag-alarm","tag-bubba","tag-crime","tag-dogs","tag-duke","tag-gina","tag-gun","tag-mailman","tag-security","tag-weapons"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=133"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":134,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133\/revisions\/134"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=133"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=133"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=133"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}