And here’ssss one from Danny:<\/p>\n
NICKNAMES
\nIf Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah .
\nIf Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectiona tely refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.<\/p>\n
EATING OUT
\nWhen the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in \u00c2\u00a320, even though it’s only for \u00c2\u00a332.50.
\nNone of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
\nWhen the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.<\/p>\n
MONEY
\nA man will pay \u00c2\u00a32 for a \u00c2\u00a31 item he needs.
\nA woman will pay \u00c2\u00a31 for a \u00c2\u00a32 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.<\/p>\n
BATHROOMS
\nA man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
\nThe average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.
\nA man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.<\/p>\n
ARGUMENTS
\nA woman has the last word in any argument.
\nAnything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.<\/p>\n
CATS
\nWomen love cats.
\nMen say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FUTURE
\nA woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
\nA man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.<\/p>\n
SUCCESS
\nA successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
\nA successful woman is one who can find such a man.<\/p>\n
MARRIAGE
\nA woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
\nA man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does .<\/p>\n
DRESSING UP
\nA woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
\nA man will dress up for weddings and funerals.<\/p>\n
NATURAL
\nMen wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
\nWomen somehow deteriorate during the night.<\/p>\n
OFFSPRING
\nAh, children. A woman knows all about her children.
\nShe knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
\nA man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.<\/p>\n
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
\nA married man should forget his mistakes.
\nThere’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.<\/p>\n
SO, Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
And here’ssss one from Danny: NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah . If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectiona tely refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[186,38,39],"tags":[839,838,755,422,330,842,837,840,1949,1931,843,836,844,253,841,845,1932],"class_list":["post-209","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","category-men","category-women","tag-arguments","tag-bathrooms","tag-cats","tag-danny","tag-dogs","tag-dressing-up","tag-eating-out-money","tag-future","tag-marriage","tag-men","tag-natural","tag-nicknames","tag-offspring","tag-shopping","tag-success","tag-wake","tag-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=209"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":211,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209\/revisions\/211"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=209"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=209"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=209"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}