{"id":356,"date":"2009-01-02T21:43:18","date_gmt":"2009-01-03T02:43:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/?p=356"},"modified":"2009-01-02T21:45:14","modified_gmt":"2009-01-03T02:45:14","slug":"eve-needs-a-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/2009\/01\/02\/eve-needs-a-man\/","title":{"rendered":"Eve Needs A Man!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>And an alternative Bilbical one from Ernie:<\/p>\n<p>If God had created Eve first, what might have transpired:<\/p>\n<p>After three weeks in the garden, God came to visit Eve. &#8220;How are things, Eve?&#8221;, He asked.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;It is all so beautiful, God,&#8221; she replied, &#8220;The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful. But I just have this one problem. It&#8217;s these breasts you&#8217;ve given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches, snagging them on bushes, they&#8217;re a real pain.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s a fair point,&#8221; replied God, &#8220;but it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals what, six? So I just figured you&#8217;d need half, but I see that you are tight. I&#8217;ll fix that up right away!&#8221; and God reaches down and removes the middle breast, tossing it into the bushes.<\/p>\n<p>Three weeks passed, and God again visited Eve in the garden. &#8220;Well, Eve, how&#8217;s my favorite creation?&#8221; He asked.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Just fantastic,&#8221; she replied, &#8220;but for one small oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has her ram, the cow has her bull, all the animals have a mate, except me. I feel so alone.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>God thought for a moment. &#8220;You know, Eve, you&#8217;re right. How could I have overlooked this! You do need a mate and I will immediately create Man from a part of you! Now, let&#8217;s see, where did I leave that useless boob?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/2009\/01\/02\/eve-needs-a-man\/\">http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/2009\/01\/02\/eve-needs-a-man\/<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>And an alternative Bilbical one from Ernie: If God had created Eve first, what might have transpired: After three weeks in the garden, God came to visit Eve. &#8220;How are things, Eve?&#8221;, He asked. &#8220;It is all so beautiful, God,&#8221; she replied, &#8220;The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[38,318,39],"tags":[212,1034,1951,1253,1247,1250,1251,937,1033,1246,132,213,1248,532,1245,768,1252,1249,165,351],"class_list":["post-356","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-men","category-religion","category-women","tag-adam","tag-adam-and-eve","tag-animals","tag-boob","tag-breasts","tag-bull","tag-cattle","tag-cow","tag-creation","tag-eden","tag-ernie","tag-eve","tag-ewe","tag-garden","tag-garden-of-eden","tag-god","tag-mate","tag-ram","tag-religious","tag-sheep"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/356","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=356"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/356\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":358,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/356\/revisions\/358"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=356"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=356"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=356"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}