{"id":606,"date":"2009-05-04T22:56:29","date_gmt":"2009-05-05T03:56:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/?p=606"},"modified":"2009-05-04T22:56:29","modified_gmt":"2009-05-05T03:56:29","slug":"retirement-bonus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/2009\/05\/04\/retirement-bonus\/","title":{"rendered":"Retirement Bonus"},"content":{"rendered":"

Another from Ernie!<\/p>\n

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided <\/span>to offer an early\u00c2\u00a0retirement bonus. They promised any officer who <\/span>volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a <\/span>straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose <\/span>what those two points would be.<\/div>\n
The <\/span>first officer<\/span><\/span> <\/span>who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.<\/div>\n
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.<\/div>\n
The third one was a <\/span>non-commissioned officer<\/span><\/span>, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,<\/div>\n
‘From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.’<\/div>\n
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to ‘drop ’em,’ which he did. The medical officer placed the <\/span>tape measure<\/span><\/span> <\/span>on the tip of the Chief’s weenie and began to work back.<\/div>\n
Dear Lord!’ he suddenly exclaimed, ‘Where Are your testicles?’<\/div>\n

The old Chief calmly replied, ‘ Vietnam’.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Another from Ernie! The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early\u00c2\u00a0retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,38],"tags":[1719,1723,132,1722,1980,1727,1728,1721,874,1046,1947,1726,1725,1720,1718,1724],"class_list":["post-606","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-american","category-men","tag-balls","tag-chief","tag-ernie","tag-medical-officer","tag-navy","tag-nco","tag-non-commissioned-officer","tag-officers","tag-penis","tag-pension","tag-retirement","tag-tape-measure","tag-testicles","tag-vietnam","tag-volunteer","tag-weenie"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/606","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=606"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/606\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":611,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/606\/revisions\/611"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=606"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=606"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timony.com\/jokes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=606"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}