Categories
politics religion

Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London

From Ernie:

Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London.

One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.. Just before take-off, a rabbi sat down in the aisle seat.

After take-off the rabbi kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, ‘I need to get up and get a coke.’ ‘Don’t get up,’ said the rabbi, ‘I’m in the aisle seat, I’ll get it for you.’
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the rabbi`s shoe and spat in it. When the Rabbi returned with the coke, the other Arab said, ‘That looks good. I’d really like one, too.’

Again, the rabbi obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the rabbi`s other shoe and spat in it.

When the rabbi returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the rabbi slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbours:

‘Why does it have to be this way?

‘How long must this go on?

‘This fighting between our nations?

‘This hatred?

‘This animosity?

‘This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?’

Categories
irish tasteless

Crisis as Dublin Floods

More from Edel! There’s been major flooding in Dublin recently (Summer 2008) and this e-mail been doing the rounds:

Finglas was hit badly by the  floods over the weekend. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering  ‘ Whaas da bleeeding Story ?’ ‘aaaaaawright bud’ and ‘fuuuucksake’.

The  flooding decimated the area causing approximately 30 euro worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from Benidorm and Santa Ponsa were  damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt cars were destroyed.

Many  locals were woken well before their welfare cheque arrived.

RTE News reported  that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to  the terms with the fact that the damage had not been caused by illegal  means.

One resident : Alexis Crystal Duffy, a 15 year old mother of 5 said  ‘It was such a F***in shock, me little wan Chardonnay Mercedes cem runnin inta  me bedruem cryin, Me youngisst two Tyler Morgan an Megan Brooklyn slept tru ih all. But I was bleeedin  shaken watchin F***in Rikki Laaake in da mornin’

Apparently though, looting, muggings and incidental crime did carry on as usual.

The Irish Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Strongbow, Dutch Gold, Frozen Pizzas, and  John Player Blue to the area to help stricken locals.
Rescue workers are  still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal  belongings, which include Welfare Books and Jewelery including thousands of  Sovereign Rings, many large Medallions and Hash Leaf Shaped earrings from  Elizabeth Duke at Argos also  Fine Bone China from Tommy’s Wonderland of Value.

This Appeal is to raise  money for food and clothing Parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up  in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed  include:

  • Fake Burberry or Kappa Baseball Caps
  • Hoodies (any type)
  • Tommy Hilfiger Tracks Suits (his and hers)
  • Nike/Adidas Shell Suits  (female)
  • White Donnay Sports Socks Rockport Boots (and any other items  usually sold in TK Maxx)
  • Anything from Magic or Unique
  • Food Parcels may  be harder to come by as refrigeration may be a problem, but are needed all the  same.

Required Foodstuffs include:

  • McCains Oven Chips
  • Heinz Baked  Beans
  • Goodfellas Frozen Pizzas
  • Coke/Fanta
  • Strongbow Cider
  • Smirnoff Ice
  • John Player Blue 15s

And Remember That Your Cash  Contribution Also Counts !!!
Just 22c buys a biro for filling in the  compensation forms and Bookies slips
Just 5 euro buys chips, crisps and blue  fizzy drinks for a family of 9
Only 6 euro will pay for a packet of 20 Major  to calm the nerves of those affected.

Thank You Very Much For Your Help.

Categories
medicine old

AAADD

From Diane:

AAADD

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS ….. PLEASE READ!

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back

on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,

since I’m going to be near the mailbox

when I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,