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funny

International Disturbed People’s Day

And from Edel:

Today is International Disturbed People’s Day.

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend.. just as I’ve done.
I don’t care if you lick windows, see dead people, or occasionally pee yourself…

Nurse for Disturbed People

You hang in there sunshine, you’re Bloody special.

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funny men women work

A young guy from Minnesota

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?

The kid says “Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota.

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it After the store was locked up, the boss came to see him. “How many customers bought something from you today?

The kid says “One“.

The boss says “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?

The kid says, “$101,237.65.

The boss says, “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell him?”

The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK? Is that right?”

The kid answered

“No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot; you should go fishing.'”

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drink funny irish men sausage sex

Irish Sausage

Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said “Hang on, I have an idea.”

He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.

Seamus said “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!”

Murphy replied, “Don’t worry – just follow me.”

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whiskey.

Seamus said “Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!”

Murphy replied, with a smile. “Don’t worry, I have a plan, Cheers!

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Seamus said “Murphy – I don’t think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees are killin’me!”

Murphy said:

“How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.