Categories
dead men

Cooter and Gomer.

From Ernie:

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,  Cooter said, ‘Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad.  You better roll him over.’

The mortician rolls him over and Cooter says, ‘Nope, ain’t Stanley .’

The mortician thinks this is rather strange, so he brings Gomer in to  confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looks at the body and says, ‘Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.’

The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, ‘No, it ain’t Stanley ‘

The mortician asks, ‘How can you tell?’

Gomer says, ‘Well, Stanley had two assholes.’

‘What?  He had two assholes?’ asks the mortician.

‘Yup, we never seen ’em, but everybody used to say:

Categories
american animals politics

Two Crocodiles …

From Gina in Flordia, and she should know about ‘gators! 🙂

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, ‘I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.’

‘Well,’ said the big Croc, ‘what have you been eating?’

‘Politicians, same as you,’ replied the small Croc.

‘Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?’

‘Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.’

‘Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?’

‘Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat ’em!’

‘Ah!’ says the big Crocodile, ‘I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase