Tag: preacher

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dead marriage men priest women

Her Fourth Husband!

From Ernie:

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married — for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she’d first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

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marriage sex

They’re Finally Together

From Ernie:

Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children.

Then Ted died of heart disease.

She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.

Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.

Again Judy remarried, and this time

She & John had 5 more children.

Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,

“Lord, they are finally together.”

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:

“Margaret, do you think he means her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?”

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american family politics priest

The Preacher’s Son

And another great one from Ernie:

An old  country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.  Like many  young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he  didn’t seem too concerned about it.  One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.  He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects:

  • a Bible
  • a silver dollar
  • a bottle of whiskey
  • a Playboy magazine

“I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself.  “When he comes home from school this afternoon, I’ll see which object he picks up.  If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be!  If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.  But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be.  And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he’s gonna be
a skirt-chasin’ bum.”
The old man waited anxiously and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.  The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.  Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.  He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.  He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month’s centerfold.

“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher disgustedly whispered . . .
“He’s gonna run for Congress!”

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2009/01/21/the-preachers-son

Categories
religion

Church.

And more from Ernie:

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand. He said ‘Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!’

The preacher said, ‘Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.’

The man said, ‘I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!’

The preacher said, ‘No shit?’