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Women Drivers……..a man’s view !!!

This one’s from Edel:

Driving to the office this morning on the M-50 , I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to the mirror putting on her eyeliner!!!! Shocked, I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was still putting on the make up but drifting halfway into my lane!!

It scared me so much (and this coming from a bloke….) that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the cheese roll out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear, which fell in to the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS, causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.

F***ing Women Drivers!!!!!!!

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Irish Sausage

Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said “Hang on, I have an idea.”

He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.

Seamus said “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!”

Murphy replied, “Don’t worry – just follow me.”

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whiskey.

Seamus said “Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!”

Murphy replied, with a smile. “Don’t worry, I have a plan, Cheers!

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Seamus said “Murphy – I don’t think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees are killin’me!”

Murphy said:

“How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.