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Helga’s Diary on a Cruise Ship

A funny one from Edel:
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DEAR DIARY – DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship — all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this “all-girls” trip.
It will be my first one, – and I can’t wait!

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Colin and the croc

Our first joke from Sean G. (via Facebook):

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Colin, the only Aborigine in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ. At the height of the party, the host said, ‘I have a 15 ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.’

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and choke holds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.

Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. The host says, ‘Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.’
‘Nah, you all right boss, I don’t want it,’ said Colin.

The rich man said, ‘Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then’ ‘No thanks. I don’t want it,’ answered Colin.

The host said, ‘Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing.
Again, Colin said no..

Confused, the rich man asked, ‘Well Colin, then what do you want?