Categories
british funny Real

Quiz Show Fail!

From Edel! Epic fail bad answers to questions asked on (mainly British) TV and Radio quizzes. To get some of these, you’ll need to be British, or understand British culture. To get some of the others, you’ll need to know a bit of general knowledge! 😉

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman:
What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and ‘cheesemongers’?
Contestant:
Homosexuals.
Paxman:
No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston:
Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant:
Geography isn’t my strong point.
Theakston:
There’s a clue in the title.
Contestant:
Leicester.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood:
What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant:
Er. . .
Wood:
It’s got two syllables . .. . Kor . . .
Contestant:
Blimey?
Wood:
Ha ha ha ha, no.. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant:
(Silence.)
Wood:
OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant:
Walked?

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White:
Who had a worldwide hit with “What A Wonderful World”?
Contestant:
I don’t know..
White:
I’ll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Categories
american politics religion

Sarah Palin Meets the Pope …

I tend to stay away from political jokes but I thought this was a funny one from Ernie:

Sarah Palin is invited to meet with the Pope while he is vacationing south of Rome in Venice.

The liberal press reluctantly watches the semi-private audience, hoping they will be able to allot minimal coverage, if any.

The Pope asks Governor Palin to join him on a Gondola ride through the canals of Venice.

They’re admiring the sights and agreeing on moral issues when, all of a sudden, the Pope’s hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water.

The gondolier starts to reach for the Pontiff’s cap with his pole, but this move threatens to overturn the floating craft.

Sarah waves the tour guide off, saying, “Wait, wait. I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry.”

She steps off the gondola onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Pope’s hat, bends over and picks it up. She walks back across the water to the gondola and steps aboard.

She hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

The next morning the topic of conversation among Democrats in Congress, CBS News, NBC News, ABC News, CNN, the New York Times, Hollywood celebrities, and in France and Germany is:

“Palin Can’t Swim.”

Categories
american italian priest religion women

Rome Trip

A great one from Ernie:

This is something to think about when negative people  are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next  time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

‘Rome? Why would anyone want to go  there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome … So, how are you  getting there?’

‘We’re taking Continental,’ was the reply. ‘We got a great rate!’

‘Continental?’ exclaimed the hairdresser. ‘That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?’

‘We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.’

‘Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and  they’re overpriced.  So, whatcha’ doing when you get there?’

‘We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.’

‘That’s rich,’ laughed the hairdresser. ‘You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant.  Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.’

A month  later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

‘It was wonderful,’ explained the woman, ‘not only  were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were  wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand  and foot. And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million  remodeling job, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at  no extra charge!’

‘Well,’ muttered the hairdresser, ‘that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the  Pope.’

‘Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.  Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.’

‘Oh, really! What’d he say?’

He said: ‘Where’d you get the shitty hairdo?’