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british car funny golf marriage men money women

Golf Course Changing Room

From Ilya:

A bunch of blokes are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-functio­n and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops
to listen.
BLOKE: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Darling, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
BLOKE: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.

It’s only £1, 000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
BLOKE: “Sure, .. go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked.”
BLOKE: “How much?”
WOMAN: “£70, 000”
BLOKE: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking £950, 000”
BLOKE: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!”
BLOKE: “Bye! I love you, too.” The bloke hangs up.

The other blokes in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape….. He smiles and asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

Categories
british funny

The Lady is a Tramp

From Ernie:

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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animals british video

Mutton Art!

Via Kevin, and some smart lads, some sheep, and some talented sheepdogs:

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british funny Real

Quiz Show Fail!

From Edel! Epic fail bad answers to questions asked on (mainly British) TV and Radio quizzes. To get some of these, you’ll need to be British, or understand British culture. To get some of the others, you’ll need to know a bit of general knowledge! 😉

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman:
What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and ‘cheesemongers’?
Contestant:
Homosexuals.
Paxman:
No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston:
Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant:
Geography isn’t my strong point.
Theakston:
There’s a clue in the title.
Contestant:
Leicester.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood:
What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant:
Er. . .
Wood:
It’s got two syllables . .. . Kor . . .
Contestant:
Blimey?
Wood:
Ha ha ha ha, no.. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant:
(Silence.)
Wood:
OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant:
Walked?

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White:
Who had a worldwide hit with “What A Wonderful World”?
Contestant:
I don’t know..
White:
I’ll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Categories
british funny video

Fork Handles!

A funny one from Sean from an British Comedy Duo who were on TV in the 1970’s and 1980’s:


http://www.timony.com/jokes/2009/01/01/fork-handles/

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british car funny irish

Car for sale!

And a funny one from Peter! Not sure if this is really, for real, or even in Ireland, the lighthouse doesn’t look like the style of lighthouse in Ireland. And the photograph looks kinda doctored, as the rocks and cliffs look very clear, but the rest of the island looks blurry.

Read text first!
The following is an actual advertisement in an Irish Newspaper..!

1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf

Only 15 km

Only first gear and reverse used

Never driven hard

Original tires

Original brakes

Original fuel and oil

Only 1 driver Owner

Wishing to sell due to employment lay-off

Please see Attached photo….. (scroll down to the next page)

Wait for it…..

This is good…….

Categories
british english funny irish radio

TODAYS IDIOTS

And from Edel, supposedly a whole bunch of silly, wrong, or incorrect answers given by contestants on various British & Irish radio & television quiz shows.

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and ‘cheesemongers’?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn’t my strong point.
Theakston: There’s a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester .

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don’t know.
White: I’ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you’re not weak, you’re..?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct – and what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France ..
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don’t know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris

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british drink english video

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar – The Complete Adventures

From Liz! From “That Mitchell and Webb Look” and comedy show on British TV:

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american british english

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

And another from Norm. I’ve seen this one a few times before, and it’s not by John Cleese, someone, somewhere, just added his name to this to make it funnier. However, it actually is kinda funny, and highlights some of the differences (and imaginary differences) between the US and the UK. Well here it is in all of it’s original glory! 🙂

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
A Message from John Cleese, British comedian to the citizens of the United States of America.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary.