Tag: school

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kids nuns religion school

Catholic Education

From Edel:

Little Zachary was doing quite badly in math. His parents had tried everything. Tutors, mentors, flash cards, Special learning Centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.

His mother was amazed She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great
trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise Little Zachary got an ‘A’ in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.

She went to his room and said, ‘Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?’
Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.
‘Well, then,’ she replied, ‘Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms?’
Little Zachary looked at her and said,

‘On the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.’

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food kids sex women

What’s in a name?

Thanks Ernie, another great funny one:

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. ‘You all have obsessions,’ he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, ‘You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.’

He turned to the second Mom, Ann, ‘Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.’

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, ‘Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy..’

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s go pick up Peter and Willy from school and get some dinner.

Categories
heaven irish kids religion

How to get to Heaven from Ireland

A great one from Edel:

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, ‘If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?’

‘NO!’ the children answered.

‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?’

Again, the answer was ‘No!’ By now I was starting to smile.

‘Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children,
and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?’

Again, they all answered ‘No!’. I was just bursting with pride for them.

I continued, ‘ Then how can I get into heaven?’

A six year-old boy shouted out

“YUV GOTTA BE FuKN’ DEAD……….”

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animals medicine sex

Sorry ……

And another great one from Ernie:

A professor at BU was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,

‘Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’

She replied, ‘Probably deer hunting with his buddies.’

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom………

Categories
american politics school

George Bush vs. Elementary Children

This one’s from Ernie, he sure does like his political jokes:

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.
“Stanley,” responds the little boy.
“And what is your question, Stanley?”
“I have 4 questions:

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right: question time. Who has a question?”
Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.
“Steve,” he responds.
“And what is your question, Steve?”
“Actually, I have 6 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?
Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?”