I have a dog; I named him Stay.
So when I’d go to call him, I’d say,
“Here, Stay, here…” but he got wise to that. Now when I call him he ignores me and just keeps on typing.
— Steven Wright
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Tag: steven
This one’s from Ernie, he sure does like his political jokes:
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.
“Stanley,” responds the little boy.
“And what is your question, Stanley?”
“I have 4 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?
Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right: question time. Who has a question?”
Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.
“Steve,” he responds.
“And what is your question, Steve?”
“Actually, I have 6 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?
Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?”
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Steven Wright!
Is one of my favorite comedians and he’s from Boston too. I’ve never seen him live, but used to have one of his performances on tape (aye that was some time ago). His humour is very droll. But, here are some of his one-liners (via the Linux fortune command):
I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I’m the only one moving.
I was pulled over for speeding today. The officer said, “Don’t you know the speed limit is 55 miles an hour?” And I said, “Yes, but I wasn’t going to be out that long.”
I put a new engine in my car, but didn’t take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles an hour.
— Steven Wright