Tag: dog

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american animals dog sex

Dog Walk

Edel likes dogs, and jokes! 🙂

A little girl asked her Mom, ‘Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?’ Mom replies, ‘No, because she is in heat.’

‘What’s that mean?’ asked the child.
‘Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.’

The little girl goes to the garage and says, ‘Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come ask you.’

Dad said, ‘Bring Belle over here.’ He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog ‘s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said, ‘OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.’

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, ‘Where’s Belle?’

( YOU’RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!! ! )

The little girl said, ‘She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home’

If you ain’t laffin’… You ain’t livin’.

Categories
irish politics work

Cowen is my shepherd …

From Edel! You need to know a wee bit about Irish politics to get this one, but basically it’s current Taoiseach (Prime Minister), Brian Cowen, for the economic problems:

Cowen is my shepherd, I shall not work. He leadeth me beside the still factories. He restoreth my faith in Fine Gael.

He guideth me to the path of unemployment.
Yea, though I wait for my dole, I own the bank that refuses me.
Cowen has anointed my income with taxes, my expense runneth over my income, surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the days of his term.
From hence fort we will live all the days of our lives in a rented home with an overseas landlord.
I am glad I am Irish, I am glad that I am free.
But I wish I was a dog, and Cowen was a tree.

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2009/03/09/cowen-is-my-shepherd/

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funny one-liners

And another great one from Ernie! And I tink it will make you smile. 😉

You can’t read this and stay in a bad mood!

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It (I love that one!)

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid’s

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn’t work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn’t Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa’s Helpers?

Continue reading “”
Categories
marriage men women

Men Strike Back

From Ernie:

Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
——————————————————————-
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
——————————————————————–
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
——————————————————————-
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…”
——————————————————————-
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
——————————————————————-
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
——————————————————————-

Continue reading “Men Strike Back”

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cat dog marriage men women

Women!

And more from Edel:

Why were hurricanes usually named after women?

Because when they arrive, they’re wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.

————————————————————
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.

‘Look Miss,’ said the foreman, ‘have you any actual experience  in picking lemons?’

‘Well, as a matter if fact, yes!’ she replied.? ‘I’ve been divorced three times.’
————————————————————
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Categories
dog fortune one-liners

My dog!

I have a dog; I named him Stay.

So when I’d go to call him, I’d say,

“Here, Stay, here…” but he got wise to that. Now when I call him he ignores me and just keeps on typing.

— Steven Wright

Categories
animals dog

Inner Strength

  • If you can start the day without caffeine,
  • If you can get going without pep pills,
  • If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
  • If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
  • If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
  • If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
  • If you can take criticism and blame without resentment
  • If you can ignore a friend’s limited education and never correct him,
  • If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
  • If you can conquer tension without medical help,
  • If you can relax without liquor,
  • If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

Categories
animals dog funny marriage men mother-in-law women

Mother-in-law

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession, a funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first.

Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog.

Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line!

The man couldn’t stand his curiosity.

He approached the man walking with the dog.

“I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?”

The man replied

“Well, that first coffin is for my wife.”

What happened to her??!

The man replied

“My dog attacked and killed her.”

He inquired further

“Well, who is in the second coffin?”

The man answered

“My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also.”

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the first one asks in excitement

“Can I borrow the dog?”

The man replied

“Join the queue.”