Category: naked

Two ways to shower

From Ernie!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror — make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red

Tags bathroom, clean, conditioner, cucumber, ernie, fart, hair, hampler, husband, laundry, leg-lifts, loofah, men, mint, mirror, nose, pee, physique, pumice, robe, sage, shampoo, Shampoo Mohawk, shower, sit-ups, Squeegee, wash cloth, water, wiener, wife., womanly, women, woo-woo

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HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES?

Post author By thejoker
Post date December 18, 2008
No Comments on HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES?

And another slightly political, but guaranteed to insult many, joke from Ernie!

How to save the Airlines:

Dump the male flight attendants No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell — They don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party
atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn’t need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and ‘special services.’

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right — a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn’t Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/12/17/how-to-save-the-airlineshow-to-save-the-airlines/

Tags airlines, bill clinton, business, business men, ernie, naked, naked women, recession, stewardess, strippers, tips, win-win, women

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One Bad Biker

And more from Ernie!

A drunk walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar, and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three tough-looking bikers sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, looks the biggest, meanest biker in the face, and says, “I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!”Â

The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and always gets into fights at the drop of a hat.Â

The drunk leans on the table again and says, “I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!”Â

The biker’s buddies are starting to get upset, but the biker still says nothing.Â

The drunk leans over one more time and says, “I’ll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!”Â

At this point, the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says, “Grandpa, go home, you’re drunk!”

Tags bad biker, biker, biker bar, buck-naked, drink, drunk, ernie, granddad, grandma, grandpa, stagger

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Pastor

From Ilya:

A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender and asked,

“May I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied,

“I really don’t think you should.”

The pastor asked,

“Why not? I really need to use a restroom!”

“Well, I don’t think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there and she’s only covered by a fig leaf!”

The pastor replied,

“Nonsense, I’ll look the other way!”

So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs and he proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, he came back out and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again! He went to the bartender and said,

“Sir, I don’t understand. When I came in here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. Then the room became absolutely quiet. I went to the restroom, and now the place is hopping again.”