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english

Two English businessmen in London

From Gina:

Two English businessmen in London – were sitting down for a break in their soon to be new store. As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other,

‘I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we’re selling.’

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Irishman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Irish accent asked

‘What are you selling’ here

One of the men replied sarcastically,

‘We’re selling arse-holes.’

Without skipping a beat, the Irishman said,

‘You are doing well … Only two left!’

Englishmen – God bless them – should not mess with Irishmen

Categories
american drink girls

A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a Girl from Michigan

A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink from the same glass twice.”

An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

The Michigan girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer and drinks it, throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi, and catches her glass. She says

“In Michigan we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.”

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/02/21/a-mexican-an-iraqi-and-a-girl-from-michigan/

Categories
bunny

Superbunny!

Superman (by bunnys) in 30 seconds.

Categories
drink

Water or Wine?

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E-coli) bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember:

Water = Poop

Wine = Health.

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of s–t.

There’s no need to thank me for this valuable information; I’m doing it
as a public service.

Categories
car men women

Women Drivers……..a man’s view !!!

This one’s from Edel:

Driving to the office this morning on the M-50 , I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to the mirror putting on her eyeliner!!!! Shocked, I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was still putting on the make up but drifting halfway into my lane!!

It scared me so much (and this coming from a bloke….) that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the cheese roll out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear, which fell in to the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS, causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.

F***ing Women Drivers!!!!!!!

Categories
drink girls

Girls gone bad!

Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she decided to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women’s husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said,

“These girl nights have got to stop! I’m starting to suspect the worst… my wife came home with no panties!!”

“That’s nothing”

said the other husband,

“Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said… “From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll never forget you.”

Categories
belgium video

Belge Side Story

This is actually pretty funny (if your a fan of the film West Side Story). A Belgium version of call Belge Side Story; the French speakers with their frites versus the Flemish speakers and their mussels:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3pzhv_belge-side-story_fun


Belge side story
Uploaded by Indyiv

Found via I prefer Paris.

Categories
old

The Over 30 crowd!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribe s about how hard things were when they were growing up; what, with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids to day you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter…with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

Continue reading “The Over 30 crowd!”
Categories
drink funny irish men sausage sex

Irish Sausage

Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said “Hang on, I have an idea.”

He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.

Seamus said “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!”

Murphy replied, “Don’t worry – just follow me.”

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whiskey.

Seamus said “Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!”

Murphy replied, with a smile. “Don’t worry, I have a plan, Cheers!”

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.”

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Seamus said “Murphy – I don’t think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees are killin’me!”

Murphy said:

“How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.