Ilya sent me this! I’m not posting the original file he sent me, but someone put this copy on YouTube! It appears to be an advertising for a UK site call LittleWoods Direct.
Category: men
And another from Brendan!
Most men will get this right!
You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, with double lines, and come upon a bicycle rider. Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 21 miles, or do you break the law and pass?
Which is the correct choice?
Click below for the solution! (Slightly NSFW).
And from Jeannie!
‘SENIOR’ EYE TEST
HILARIOUS! (and I did see sheep..at first. Then I looked closer to see if I recognized anyone!)
Eye test for those over 40
If you wondering where the pic came from originally, I’d say it was take by Spencer Tunick
And you can read more about him on Wikipedia .
And from Jeannie:
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn’t mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,
‘Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?’
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other’s clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,
‘Well,how was it?’
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:
‘Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf’
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. “So, how’s your sex life?”
“Oh, nothing special. I’m having Social Security sex.”
“Social Security sex?”
“Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!”
LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem, doctor. Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell.”
“My dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what the problem is.”
The problem is,” she complained, “it wakes me up!”
QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, “How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?”
She glanced at him casually and replied, “You’re never home!”
CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his “manhood” was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for “small, $6,500 for “medium, $14,000 for “large.”
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
“Well, what have the two of you decided?” asked the doctor.
The man answered, “She’d rather remodel the kitchen.”
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads: ‘Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever’.”
“Yeah,” she replies, “when you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads:
Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.”
WOMEN’S HUMOROUS SEX
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, “This will make you happy tonight.” He was right!
When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn’t get back in.
ELDERLY SEX
One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment – killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.
She began coolly, “Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex. He could fly.”
And a couple of one-liners from Fortune!
You think Oedipus had a problem — Adam was Eve’s mother.
“All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands.”
— Saint Patrick
You might need to be Irish to get this one! đŸ™‚ But, Joe Dolan was an Irish singer whose career started in the late 1960’s and extended to his death in late 2007.
Ok, here’s the joke:
And from Liz:
“If you want a laugh, check out these clips. I guess Jimmy ends most of his shows with “My apologies to Matt Damon – we ran out of time.” His girlfriend decided to take it a bit further…”
And here’s Jimmy’s response:
You gotta watch it till the end:
Categories
Government Job
Harry Peters went to the Australian Tax Office for a job interview.
The interviewer looks at his resume and asks him, “Are you a veteran?”
“Yes, I served 8 years in the army.”
“Good, that counts in your favour. Do you have any service-related disabilities?”
“I am 100% disabled. A mortar blew off my testicles so they declared me disabled. It doesn’t affect my ability to work, though.”
“Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you. I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10 tomorrow, and we’ll get you started.”
“If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?”
“Well, this is a government organization. We don’t do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point your coming in for that.”