Is one of my favorite comedians and he’s from Boston too. I’ve never seen him live, but used to have one of his performances on tape (aye that was some time ago). His humour is very droll. But, here are some of his one-liners (via the Linux fortune command):
I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I’m the only one moving.
I was pulled over for speeding today. The officer said, “Don’t you know the speed limit is 55 miles an hour?” And I said, “Yes, but I wasn’t going to be out that long.”
I put a new engine in my car, but didn’t take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles an hour.
— Steven Wright