29Jan/090
Lovemaking Tips for Oldsters
From Ernie:
Lovemaking Tips for Oldsters
1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes -- in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF and close the shades)
4. Make sure you put 9-1-1 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf, too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
(P.S. Sent this in large type so you can read it.)