Categories
car religion

The Pope & The Limo

From Ernie:

After putting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel lightly), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your seat so we can leave?’

‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today..’

‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?’ protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.

‘Who’s going to tell?’ says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision because, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

‘Please slow down, Your Holiness!’ pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

‘Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license — and my job!’ moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

Categories
cat italian

Crazy Europeans!

From Adriana:

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive, at the Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them:
“It’sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro.”
“Vot do you mean it’z illegal?” asks the German driver.
“Quattro meansa four” replies the Italian official.
“Qvattro is just ze name of ze automobile”, the Germans says unbelievingly. “Look at ze papers: zis car is designt to kerry 5 perzons.”
“You can’ta pulla thata one on me!”,replies the Italian customs agent.
“Quattro meansa four. You hava fivea people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking the law.”
The German driver replies angrily, “You idiot! Call your zupervisor over,  I vant to speak to somevone viz more intelligence!”
“Maaa sorry”, responds the Italian official, “he can’ta come. He’sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno !…”

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2009/01/01/crazy-europeans/

Categories
car men nuns sex

The nun and the taxi driver.

From Edel:

A cabbie  picks up a Nun.

She gets into  the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is  staring.
He  replies: ‘I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.’
She answers, ‘My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’

‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to  have sex with a nun.’

She responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that:
#1, You have to be single
#2, You must be Catholic.
#3, I have to save my virginity, you will have to enter me from behind.

The cab driver is very excited and  says, ‘Yes, I’m single,  Catholic, and I’m happy to enter from behind!’

‘OK’  the  nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’

The nun fulfills his  fantasy, in a way that would make a hooker blush.

But when they  get back on the road, the cab driver starts  crying.

‘My dear  child,’ says the nun, ‘why are you crying?’

‘Forgive me but  I’ve sinned.  I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m  Jewish..’