Will I live to see 80?
More from Ernie!
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?
''Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy! '
Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don' t,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.
He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?'
The Silent Fart …
From Edel:
An elderly couple were attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says to her husband, ' I just let out a silent fart what do you think I should do?'
He replies ' Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
AAADD
From Diane:
AAADD
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS ..... PLEASE READ!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table,
ALL GRANDPAS, HEED THIS WARNING!
No-one's been sending joke, however Gina sent us a few! Thanks Gina.
Do not lose your grandkids in the shopping mall!
My grandson got away from me Sunday at the mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said:
'I've lost my grandpa!'
The cop asked:
'What's he like?'
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied: