Tag: diane

Categories
animals family funny one-liners sex

Dad at the Mall …

The version of this I heard as a kid, involved Grand-dad on a bus, a punk, and the punchline had a parrot … anyways thanks to Diane for the joke!

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, ‘What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?’

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. ‘Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son …

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2009/01/10/dad-at-the-mall

Categories
american food

And a funny one from Diane, but what I want to know, is who has Chicken for Thanksgiving?

IT’S SO EASY. PERFECT FOR THANKSGIVING

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing — imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out.

Give this a try:

  • 4-5 lb Chicken
  • 1 cup melted butter
  • 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good.)
  • 1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER’S LOW FAT)
  • Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 Brush chicken well with melted butter , salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.

Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken’s ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it’s done.

And, you thought I couldn’t cook…

Categories
medicine old

AAADD

From Diane:

AAADD

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS ….. PLEASE READ!

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back

on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,

since I’m going to be near the mailbox

when I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,

Continue reading “AAADD”