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funny men

Three lawyers and three engineers on a train

And the first one from Adriana:

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a lawyer.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers see this and agree that it is quite a clever idea so, after the conference, they decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (recognizing the engineers’ superior intellect).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.

“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed lawyer.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

Looks like this came from  http://www.bl.com/ben/things/engineers2.html

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/12/15/three-lawyers-and-three-engineers-on-a-train/

Categories
english funny police school sex

SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007

And the first one from Gerry, with a load of English specific jokes:

6th Place

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: ‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. ‘What are my choices?’ the man asked.  ‘Yes or no,’ she replied.
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5th Place

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.’
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4th Place

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury’s but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’ The assistant replied, ‘ I’m afraid not, they’re dead.’
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3rd Place

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding. ‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the bobby said. The kid replied, ‘Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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2nd Place

A lorry (truck) driver was driving along on a country road.A sign came up that read ‘ Low Bridge Ahead. ‘Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry’s cab and said to the driver,  ‘Got stuck, eh?’ The lorry driver said, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol (gas)!’