Tag: teacher

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funny

How to sell toothbrushes.

From Ernie:

The kids filed back into class Monday morning .. They were very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off:
“I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:
“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained
To everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”
“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.
The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk.
“$2,467,” he said.
“$2,467!” cried the teacher,
“What in the world were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

Continue reading “How to sell toothbrushes.”
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animals medicine sex

Sorry ……

And another great one from Ernie:

A professor at BU was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,

‘Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’

She replied, ‘Probably deer hunting with his buddies.’

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom………

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funny government health old religion retirement

Jokes ….

And even more from Edel:
————————————————————

Reason Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

All the DNA is the same.
————————————————————
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, ‘So which six items would you like to buy?’

Wouldn’t it be great if that happened more often?

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english funny police school sex

SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007

And the first one from Gerry, with a load of English specific jokes:

6th Place

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: ‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. ‘What are my choices?’ the man asked.  ‘Yes or no,’ she replied.
_____
5th Place

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.’
_____
4th Place

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury’s but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’ The assistant replied, ‘ I’m afraid not, they’re dead.’
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3rd Place

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding. ‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the bobby said. The kid replied, ‘Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
_____
2nd Place

A lorry (truck) driver was driving along on a country road.A sign came up that read ‘ Low Bridge Ahead. ‘Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry’s cab and said to the driver,  ‘Got stuck, eh?’ The lorry driver said, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol (gas)!’

Continue reading “SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007”
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funny men women

Do you know me?

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving At him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.

So he says, ‘Do you know me? ‘

To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says,

‘My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made Love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your Partner whipped my butt with wet celery?

She looks into his eyes and says calmly

No, I’m your son’s teacher.