All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

6Feb/130

Those New Yorkers!

From Ernie:

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the Captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the Captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."

"I see," the Captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

13Feb/110

Helga’s Diary on a Cruise Ship

A funny one from Edel:
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DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip.
It will be my first one, - and I can't wait!

14Jan/090

The young blonde

And another from Ernie:

A young blonde woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself from the Cape Cod Bourne Bridge. She was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the bridge, crying.He took pity on her and said "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship and you can start a new life in Europe ... I'll take good care of you and bring you food everyday".

"How can I repay you for such kindness" she asked. "Just let me make love to you each night..."

The blonde agreed.  That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.

From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors, whose stowed me away"
she explained "I get food and free passage to Europe and he's screwing me".

"He certainly is", the captain said.

"This is the Martha's Vineyard Ferry."