This one is from Ernie, and this is exactly as I received it (messed up fonts included), and it must be old; who uses MapQuest anymore? ;). Anyhow, this does sound a lot like driving around the Boston area, or probably any metropolitan area in the US!
A horn and a middle finger. Everything else is superfluous, including knowing where you are going.
Ernie keeps rolling them out:
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman .
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
And another from Brendan!
Most men will get this right!
You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, with double lines, and come upon a bicycle rider. Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 21 miles, or do you break the law and pass?
Which is the correct choice?
Click below for the solution! (Slightly NSFW).
This one's from Edel:
Driving to the office this morning on the M-50 , I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to the mirror putting on her eyeliner!!!! Shocked, I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was still putting on the make up but drifting halfway into my lane!!
It scared me so much (and this coming from a bloke....) that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the cheese roll out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear, which fell in to the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS, causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.
F***ing Women Drivers!!!!!!!