All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

5Feb/090

The Most Beautiful Girl

From Ernie:

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, William's dad took him aside.

"Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years.. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again.

A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said, 'Yes!' We're getting married in June!"

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news.

6Dec/080

First Time …

A funny teenage love story from Ernie:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to
meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such
a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first
time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an
hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about
condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time
and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so
excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly
offers to say grace and bows his head.
15Mar/080

Traffic Question?

And another from Brendan!

Most men will get this right!
You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, with double lines, and come upon a bicycle rider. Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 21 miles, or do you break the law and pass?
Which is the correct choice?
Click below for the solution! (Slightly NSFW).

21Feb/080

A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a Girl from Michigan

A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."

An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

The Michigan girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer and drinks it, throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi, and catches her glass. She says

"In Michigan we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/02/21/a-mexican-an-iraqi-and-a-girl-from-michigan/