All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me


Cooter and Gomer.

From Ernie:

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,  Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad.  You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolls him over and Cooter says, 'Nope, ain't Stanley .'

The mortician thinks this is rather strange, so he brings Gomer in to  confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looks at the body and says, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.'

The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, 'No, it ain't Stanley '

The mortician asks, 'How can you tell?'

Gomer says, 'Well, Stanley had two assholes.'

'What?  He had two assholes?' asks the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:


The Black Bra

From Ernie:

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went:

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said.

"What's for dinner, Batman?"


Proof that Men Have Better Friends…

From Ernie:

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends.

None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over and two said he was still there.


Chain E-mails!

From Ernie:

I'm Still waiting....

I did what you told me..

I sent the email to 10 people like you said .

I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen.

To all my friends who in the last year sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
For 2008, could you please just send money, chocolate, movie tickets, gasoline vouchers or airline tickets instead?
Thank you