All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

6Dec/090

Paddy’s chat up lines

From Edel:

  1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
  2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
  3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!
  4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
  5. Your body reminds me of a spanner (wrench). Every time I think of you my nuts tighten up!
  6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
24Mar/080

IRISH DOCTOR

And from Danny, one about an Irish doctor and his assistant. Obviously, not a joke from Ireland, as few people there go hunting, and they'd be called knickers or underwear not Panties!

A doctor in Ireland wants to get off work and go hunting, so he approaches his assistant.
Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic," he says. "I want you to take care of the clinic and all me patients."
The doctor goes hunting, returns the following day and asks,
"So, Seamus, how was your day?"
Seamus tells him that he took care of three patients.
"The first one had a headache, so I gave him Tylenol."
"Bravo, Seamus, and the second one?" asks the doctor?
"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, sir," says Seamus.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this.

And what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman bursts into the room. Quick as a wink she undresses herself, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and lies down on the table.

She spreads her legs and shouts, "Help me, I beg you! It's been five years since I've seen a man!"
"Thunderin' Lord Jesus, Seamus, what did you do?" asked the doctor.

"I put some drops in her eyes."