More bad Irish Jokes from Edel (and she’s Irish too!):
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says ‘I wonder how the girls are getting on?’
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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says ‘You know what I want don’t you?’
‘Yeah,’ says Paddy. ‘The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!’
More Paddy jokes from Edel, now Paddy’s on a building site:
Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy ‘I’m gonna have the day off, Im gonna pretend I’m mad!’
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts
‘I’M A LIGHTBULB! I’M A LIGHTBULB!’
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts ‘Paddy you’re mad, go home’ So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
‘Where the hell are you going?‘ asks the Foreman.
‘I cant work in the friggin dark!’ says Murphy.
http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/12/16/paddy-on-the-building-site/
And a few more from Edel about Paddy travelling:
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he’d like a drink.
He replied in disgust ‘I’d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!’
Paddy handed his drink back & said ‘Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!’
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks ‘How many people are flying with you?’
Paddy replies ‘I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!’
http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/12/16/paddy-went-travelling/
And from Brendan:
Paddy has broken his leg and his mate Mick goes round to see him.
Mick says “how you doin?”
Paddy says ” do us a favour, nip upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing.”
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy’s gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on the bed ..
He says “your dad’s sent me up here to shag the both of you “.
They say “get away with ya.. prove it.”
Mick shouts downstairs “Paddy, both of em?”
Gina’s really sending out the jokes! 🙂
Teacher: ‘Good morning children, today is Thursday, so we’re going to have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right canhave Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.’
Little Paddy thinks, ‘Whoo hooo! I’m bleedin’ deadly at General Knowledge. This is gonna be sooo easy!’
Teacher: ‘Right class, who can tell me who said. “Don’t ask what our country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?”
Little Paddy shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Teacher looking round picks Farqhuar-Fauntleroy at the front. “Yes, Farqhuar?”
Farqhuar (in a very English accent): “Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy – inauguration speech 1960.”
Teacher: “Very good Farquhar. You may stay off Friday and Monday andwe will see you back in class on Tuesday.”
The next Thursday comes around, and Little Paddy is even More determined.
Teacher: ‘Who said.”We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?”
Little Paddy’s hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting “I know.I know. Me Miss, me Miss!” Teacher looking round and picks Tarquin-Smythe, sitting at the front: “Yes Tarquin?”
Tarquin (In a very, very posh, English accent): “Yes miss, the answer is Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech.”
Teacher: “Very good Tarquin, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come back to class on Tuesday.”
The following Thursday comes around and Little Paddy is hyper, he’s been studying encyclopaedias all week and he’s ready for anything that comes. He’s coiled in his wee chair, dribbling in anticipation.
Teacher: ‘”Who said ‘One small step for man, one giant leap For mankind?'”
Little Paddy’s arm shoots straight in the air, he’s standing on his seat, jumping up and down screaming “Me miss. Me miss. I know, I know. Me Miss, me miss, meeeeee”
Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front “Yes Rupert.”
Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy English accent): “Yes miss that was Neil Armstrong, 1967, the first moon landing.”
Teacher: ‘”Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back into class on Tuesday.”
Little Paddy loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee chair at the wall. He starts screaming:
Teacher spins back round from the blackboard and shouts: “Who said that?” Little Paddy grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, “Patrick Pearse, GPO, 1916. See ye on Tuesday Miss.”