From Ernie:
I did not know this…
When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends.
And another great one from Ernie:
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.  One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.  He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects:
“I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself. Â “When he comes home from school this afternoon, I’ll see which object he picks up. Â If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! Â If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. Â But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be. Â And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he’s gonna be
a skirt-chasin’ bum.”
The old man waited anxiously and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.  The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.  He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.  He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month’s centerfold.
“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher disgustedly whispered . . .
“He’s gonna run for Congress!”
And a few more from Edel about Paddy travelling:
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he’d like a drink.
He replied in disgust ‘I’d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!’
Paddy handed his drink back & said ‘Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!’
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks ‘How many people are flying with you?’
Paddy replies ‘I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!’
http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/12/16/paddy-went-travelling/
And from Ilya, all about the rules of the pub:
1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably
during happy hour.
2. Always toast before doing a shot.
3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
4. Change your toast at least once a month.
5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a
slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half
martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and
two-part cocktails.
9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.
10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said “Hang on, I have an idea.”
He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.
Seamus said “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!”
Murphy replied, “Don’t worry – just follow me.”
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whiskey.
Seamus said “Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!”
Murphy replied, with a smile. “Don’t worry, I have a plan, Cheers!”
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.”
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Seamus said “Murphy – I don’t think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees are killin’me!”
Murphy said: