All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

5Dec/090

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

  1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,  who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
  2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
  3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
  4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed  and who likes to be with you.
  5. It's very, very important that these four women  do not know each other.
21Apr/090

Divorce Versus Murder

From Ernie:

A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide..'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.. Absolutely not!

You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription

22Mar/090

THE BLONDE WHO MARRIED A CATHOLIC

From Ernie:

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent'. In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?

5Feb/090

Paddy Sex Jokes …

More bad Irish Jokes from Edel (and she's Irish too!):

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on?'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.

She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want don't you?'

'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'

30May/080

Woman’s Life Cycle

And from Ernie:

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who are you???

19May/082

Irish ingenuity when it comes to women

And from Brendan:

Paddy has broken his leg and his mate Mick goes round to see him.

Mick says "how you doin?"
Paddy says " do us a favour, nip upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on the bed ..
He says "your dad's sent me up here to shag the both of you ".
They say "get away with ya.. prove it."
Mick shouts downstairs "Paddy, both of em?"

Paddy shouts back "of course both of em, what's the point of f#ckin one?"