Ernie sent me this one, I think our female readers will enjoy it!
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage. WHY?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Seamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"
Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whiskey.
Seamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"
Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Seamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!"