All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

14Nov/100

For all the Blondies

Sorry, another bad blonde joke, from Ernie!

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Tasmania, Australia.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being! Its men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as people! Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mate! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!!!"

27Mar/090

Different ways

From Ernie:
1 - Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

2 - A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

3 - 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

4 - A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

22Mar/090

THE BLONDE WHO MARRIED A CATHOLIC

From Ernie:

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent'. In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?

30Nov/080

PREGNANT TURKEY STORY

I was away over Thanksgiving and missed all the Thanksgiving jokes that! So better late than never, here the first Thanksgiving joke from, who else but Ernie!

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing.

When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, 'Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!

'At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Yep..................

SHE'S BLONDE!

16Oct/080

Horse Potty

And another great joke from Ernie! This must be the anti-blonde blonde joke!

A Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move. 'You know,' he says, 'I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk.'

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy,

'What would you like to discuss?'

'Oh, I don't know,' says the guy. 'How about nuclear power?'

'OK,' says the blonde. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes  little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?'

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, 'I haven't the slightest idea.'

'So tell me,' says the blonde, 'How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit.'