All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

27Mar/090

Different ways

From Ernie:
1 - Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

2 - A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

3 - 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

4 - A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

8Sep/080

Women!

And more from Edel:

Why were hurricanes usually named after women?

Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.

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The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.

'Look Miss,' said the foreman, 'have you any actual experience  in picking lemons?'

'Well, as a matter if fact, yes!' she replied.? 'I've been divorced three times.'
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.


8Sep/080

Divorce, Marriage, Weddings …

Finally after a drought, one from Edel, it's actually a whole bunch of jokes in one e-mail but I'm going to break it up over a few postings.

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My husband and I divorced over religious differences.


He thought he was God, and
I didn't.
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Marriage is a three-ring circus:


Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
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For Sale :

Wedding dress, size 8.

Worn once by mistake.
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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:

Before marriage and after marriage.

25Feb/080

A little Detective

And from Edel:

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date:

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"