All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

16Jan/110

A letter from Home

From Ernie. This is almost the same as one I heard in Ireland titled "An Irish Mother's letter to her son". My apologies to Red Necks everywhere.

Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read f a st. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be a ble to send you the a ddress because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine although I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the truck yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, she said it looks just like you, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt daddy or an uncle daddy.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt, Mom

27Mar/090

Different ways

From Ernie:
1 - Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

2 - A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

3 - 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

4 - A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

18Oct/080

Jokes ….

And even more from Edel:
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Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

All the DNA is the same.
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I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?