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lawyer

Lawyer Joke

Another cracker from Ernie. Is this really the best lawyer joke of all time? 🙂

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, ‘Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give
something back to your community through the United Way ?’

The lawyer looks steadily at him for a minute and says, ‘First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?’

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, ‘Uh . . . no, I didn’t know that.’

‘Secondly,’ says the lawyer, ‘did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?’

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology,but is cut off again.

‘Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister’s husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?’

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, ‘I’m so sorry, I had no idea.’

The lawyer nods slowly ‘Of course you didn’t, but it’s the truth. So tell me this . . . if I didn’t give any money to them, what makes you think I’d give any to you?’

Original posting at http://www.timony.com/jokes/2011/03/29/lawyer-joke/

Categories
men women

Nag, Nag, Nag – one of the best

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about,

‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on……..

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a

stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight .
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news..

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
They’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said.

He whirled around and screamed,

‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!

Categories
american drink funny government irish politics

Amen!

And from Tom R:

We here in Ireland, can’t figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States.

On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, running against a lawyer, who is married to a bitch, who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a war hero married to a good looking woman, who owns a beer distributorship.

What are you lads thinking over there?