All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

27Jan/130

Golf Course Changing Room

From Ilya:

A bunch of blokes are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-functio­n and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops
to listen.
BLOKE: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
BLOKE: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.
...

It's only £1, 000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
BLOKE: "Sure, .. go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
BLOKE: "How much?"
WOMAN: "£70, 000"
BLOKE: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950, 000"
BLOKE: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
BLOKE: "Bye! I love you, too." The bloke hangs up.

The other blokes in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

15Aug/080

Crisis as Dublin Floods

More from Edel! There's been major flooding in Dublin recently (Summer 2008) and this e-mail been doing the rounds:

Finglas was hit badly by the  floods over the weekend. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering  ' Whaas da bleeeding Story ?' 'aaaaaawright bud' and 'fuuuucksake'.

The  flooding decimated the area causing approximately 30 euro worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from Benidorm and Santa Ponsa were  damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt cars were destroyed.

Many  locals were woken well before their welfare cheque arrived.

RTE News reported  that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to  the terms with the fact that the damage had not been caused by illegal  means.

One resident : Alexis Crystal Duffy, a 15 year old mother of 5 said  'It was such a F***in shock, me little wan Chardonnay Mercedes cem runnin inta  me bedruem cryin, Me youngisst two Tyler Morgan an Megan Brooklyn slept tru ih all. But I was bleeedin  shaken watchin F***in Rikki Laaake in da mornin'

Apparently though, looting, muggings and incidental crime did carry on as usual.

The Irish Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Strongbow, Dutch Gold, Frozen Pizzas, and  John Player Blue to the area to help stricken locals.
Rescue workers are  still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal  belongings, which include Welfare Books and Jewelery including thousands of  Sovereign Rings, many large Medallions and Hash Leaf Shaped earrings from  Elizabeth Duke at Argos also  Fine Bone China from Tommy's Wonderland of Value.

This Appeal is to raise  money for food and clothing Parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up  in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed  include:

  • Fake Burberry or Kappa Baseball Caps
  • Hoodies (any type)
  • Tommy Hilfiger Tracks Suits (his and hers)
  • Nike/Adidas Shell Suits  (female)
  • White Donnay Sports Socks Rockport Boots (and any other items  usually sold in TK Maxx)
  • Anything from Magic or Unique
  • Food Parcels may  be harder to come by as refrigeration may be a problem, but are needed all the  same.

Required Foodstuffs include:

  • McCains Oven Chips
  • Heinz Baked  Beans
  • Goodfellas Frozen Pizzas
  • Coke/Fanta
  • Strongbow Cider
  • Smirnoff Ice
  • John Player Blue 15s

And Remember That Your Cash  Contribution Also Counts !!!
Just 22c buys a biro for filling in the  compensation forms and Bookies slips
Just 5 euro buys chips, crisps and blue  fizzy drinks for a family of 9
Only 6 euro will pay for a packet of 20 Major  to calm the nerves of those affected.

Thank You Very Much For Your Help.