All those Jokes that people send me All those crappy jokes that people e-mail me

13Oct/080

Halloween Joke!

Is Ernie the only person who forwards jokes these days? Here's the first Halloween joke of the year! 🙂

A Man was walking home alone late one foggy night when behind him he hears:
BUMP
BUMP
BUMP
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging it's way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP BUMP BUMP Terrified, The man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER.....
FASTER...
FASTER....
BUMP.
BUMP
BUMP.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.. CLAPPITY-BUMP CLAPPITY-BUMP CLAPPITY-BUMP On his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing up the stairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding, his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. BUMPING and CLAPPING toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something...anything....but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket.....
And [hopefully you are ready for this]

23Aug/080

Pastor

From Ilya:

A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender and asked,

"May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied,

"I really don't think you should."

The pastor asked,

"Why not? I really need to use a restroom!"

"Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"

The pastor replied,

"Nonsense, I'll look the other way!"

So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs and he proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, he came back out and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again! He went to the bartender and said,

"Sir, I don't understand. When I came in here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. Then the room became absolutely quiet. I went to the restroom, and now the place is hopping again."

"Well, now you're one of us!"

said the bartender.

"Would you like a drink too?"

"But, I still don't understand,"

said the puzzled pastor.

"You see,"

laughed the bartender,

"every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about a drink?"