Tag: horse

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american animals funny marriage men women

Mad Wife Disease

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

‘What was that for?’ he asked.

‘That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’ she replied.

Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,’ he explained.

‘Oh honey, I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I should have known there was a good explanation ‘

Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.

When he came to, he asked, ‘What was that for?’

She replied…

‘Your horse called.’

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2011/01/14/mad-wife-disease/

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Australian ill medicine

Coincidence or not?

Funny one from Jeannie!

2007 – Chinese year of the Chicken – Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 – Chinese year of the Horse – Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 – Chinese year of the Pig – Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It gets worse…….. next year……

Continue reading “Coincidence or not?”
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animals irish

Blacksmith?

An Irishman applying for a job as a blacksmith was asked if he has any experience shoeing horses.

He said no but he had told a donkey to f ** k off once.

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family italian

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

More from Ernie!

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt’! Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.  They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt’, you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/12/02/who-is-jack-schittwho-is-jack-schitt/

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animals blonde

Horse Potty

And another great joke from Ernie! This must be the anti-blonde blonde joke!

A Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move. ‘You know,’ he says, ‘I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let’s talk.’

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy,

‘What would you like to discuss?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ says the guy. ‘How about nuclear power?’

‘OK,’ says the blonde. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff–grass. Yet the deer excretes  little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?’

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, ‘I haven’t the slightest idea.’

‘So tell me,’ says the blonde, ‘How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit.’

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american women

INDIANS DON’T USE SADDLES….

Ernie’s really been forwarding out the jokes recently:
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a’ so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final ‘Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!’ and rode off.

‘What did you do to get that Indian so excited?’ asked the service-station attendant. ‘Nothing,’ the woman answered.

‘I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.’

‘Lady,’ the attendant said, ‘Indians don’t use saddles’ !!!!!!!!!!

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animals drink funny

Conundrum

Edel was OOO for a few days, good to see she’s back at work and being productive! 🙂

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a ‘drop off’, the ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are travelling on, and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Continue reading “Conundrum”